Woman Commander In Kurusetra

It is really in vain
Crying for the pain

RANDUGUMBALA HEADQUARTER, AMARTA.--Wirata Multinasional Troops have been destroyed in the hell of Kurusetra. Matswapati, the President of Wirata, needs to revenge! But no power, he is just a mare veteran. To protect his image, in a hurry he goes to the head quarter. Pandawa hold a briefing.

DARMAKUSUMA: Pandawa's leaders--we should restructure the new strategy and inaugurate a new commander to rival the Multimodern Troops Kurawa led by General Bisma. Is it right, General Kresna?

KRESNA: Exactly! I think no one can destroy General Bisma except Colonel Srikandi. The commander's weakness lies in woman's hands. Nah, are you objection, General Arjuna?

ARJUNA: No! But is it not a wrong inauguration? Amarta has many commanders. Why should we choose a woman to be a commander?

KRESNA: That's right, General Arjuna--but we need another way. Amarta lose in war because emphasized too much on the war strategy and technology. Whereas, the war strategy and technology of General Bisma is truly superpowerful and no weakness at all. The only way to find out a weakness of General Bisma is by investigating his biography, especially in "History of Dewi Amba". The tragic aspect of Bisma lies in it. And women can read powerfully the inner-meanings of the story.

BIMA: Wooow, irrational! It's impossible that literature can be the rival of war theory and strategy!

NAKULA: Why not? If it's taken appropriately and sophisticatedly, inspiration can be greatly sophisticated more than either theory or strategy.

SADEWA: Maybe! And this country is anti-discrimination. Sawojajar Division is in accordance with the inauguration of woman commander.

BIMA: Good! Jodipati Division agrees, too!

DARMAKUSUMA: I hope this meeting should get a whole agreement. Because without such agreement it is hard to get unity in action. And what is your opinion, Ki Lurah Semar?

"Good, Dad. Nominate me to be a commander."
"Huh, you just show off, Bro."
"To defend our country, Truk."
"For your country or your money?"
"Being a hansip u are in valid!"
"Pretending to be a hero!"
"SST, be calm, Sons!"
"Yea, Dad!"

SEMAR: Thank you, I believe in your wise-policy my Majesty. Well, it's up to you.

"Laborious! Not represent people's aspiration."
"SST! Loyalty, Bro."
(Zzzz!)
"Eh, what's that, Truk?"
"Bagong's snoring--"
"Rather!"
"Shut up, Sons!"

DARMAKUSUMA: Thank you, Ki Lurah. Well, it seems we wholly agree to inaugurate Colonel Srikandi to be a commander-in-chief. And this briefing's over.

(Knock! Knock! Knock!)

"Excuse me, Sir. Can you tell me about--"
"No! Scat!"
"Op de record, Mista!"
"Who's he, Gong?"
"Foreign journalist has lost his way!"
"He-he, C'Mon to the front!"
(Riiing… click!)--"Hello, who's this?… O, Mas Gatot… This is Sri! Any important news?… Okay, Jane d'Ark Brigade of Madukara is ready to go to Kurusetra!… Yeah, be free!"--(Click!)

Drink, don't sink
Drink, don't sink
Drink, don't sink

BULUPITU HEADQUARTER, ASTINA.--Kurawa's party to celebrate their win. Drinking till sinking! Teenagers say, "Teller!" Looking at his indiciplinary troops, General Bisma is heavily disappointed. In fact, winning can make the winner sink in drinking!

"O ale of life!"
(Gulp! Gulp!)--"Aahh…."
"Vodka. O Mazurka dance!"
(Pluf!)--"Drink, Dur! Salute--" (Ting!)
"O Mbodrooo-mBodro, come here, Darling… tomorrow Arjuna will be roasted! Y-you'll get p-political asylum… hooeekh!"

CITRAYUDA: Huh! Bastard drunkard!

DURSASANA: Throw them to the gutter, in order to drink rusty water!

DURMAGATI: O, no--it'z! Give em poison to make em die at de zame time!

"O, Rukma, y-you d-died? N-neber m-mind, y-you are the most heroic--"
"Half mad!"

General Bisma gets out of the head quarter. He can not stand looking at the condition of his troops! What is the meaning of modern strategy and technology of war if the soldiers deadly fall into indiciplinary? In vain!

"Whaz up, Pral?"
"Report, Sir! Pandawa give woman as a gift!"
"Wow! Nize!"
"Great, let's go to Kurusetra!"
(Clasp! Clasp! Clasp!)--"Hey Dur, Cit, Karta! Let's go to the front!"

BISMA: Hey, soldiers! Throw the satanic tubes! Pandawa attack us!

"Y-yes, S-sir!"

BISMA: If you say so! These drunkard troops will be led to the battlefield.

Drinking-battling!
Blurring-attacking!

Do not weep
War is kind

"I wanna watch the war, Auntie."
"No, Sanjaya! You maybe hit by missile which is not hit in butt!"
"No, Auntie Kunti--there's Anti-nuclear screen."
"Talk blindly! Dad's mad!"
"Never mind, bye, Auntie."
"Widura! Widura! Your son goes to Kurusetra!"
"It's ok, Sis. Who knows he will be a war journalist?"

KURUSETRA.--In the border!

"Watching from here."
"Okley-dokley!"

Tam-ratamtam-tam-tam!
Beating the Bass drum!

"Long live Bisma! Long live Kurawa!"
"Long live Ngurawa! Yesnernay I bet a nerong-- long live Muna Nerong!"
"Gong, let's beat the Kurawa's supporters!"
"Use you catapult, Truk!"
"This is the stone."
(Cpret!)--"Long live--(Thwack!)--Ouch! Mruise my head!"
"He-he-he…!"
"Cigar-cigar, peppermint, Menthos, tissue, Getsby! Tissue, Sir--anti-pregnancy?"
"No thank!"
"Ice, ice! Smoky ice!"
"Newspaper-newspaper! Hot news: KURUSERTA IN FIRE. Crazy war in Kurusetra, yap, newspaper-newspaper!"
"Egg, Egg, sweet egg!"
(Jreng!)--"Yeah, Bro., excuse me and permit me to entertain you!"--(Jreng!)
"Man, give me your charity, Man!"--(Clunk!)
(Cplek!)--"Great! I nominate Pandawa! What's your bet?"
"My girlfriend!"
"What! Such an old and odd!"
"Mockery-donkey!"
(Tet-treteeet!)
"You fart, Sir?"
"Trumpet fool!"
"Shit! Let's move!"
"Wow! The chick troops--are you going to war or to swim?"
"Sst! Battling on mattress!"
"Hush! Talk blindly!"

At that time Jane d'Ark Brigade of Madukara succeeds to destroy Kurawa's troops. And crazily the Kurawa's soldiers face the attack like welcoming their wives.

"O, come, Darling!"
"Darling-darling--(Bang!)--Thy head!"
"Eladalah! Teja-teja sulaksana, tejanira wong anyar katon, ing wingking pundi pinoko, ing ngajeng--"
(Bang!)--"Too long!"
"Beat em, Miss! What for kidding yore in war!"

SRIKANDI: Bisma, take this precise time to end your life!

"Look out, General!"--(Bang!)

BISMA: Aaarrrggghhh!

"Hooray! Bisma died!"
"Long live Woman Commander!"

Ki Harsono Siswocarito
Semarang, January 14, 2008